Here Are The 7 Of The Funniest, Bloodiest Period Stories On The Internet Right Now

Periods are a messy business, literally from the minute they begin to the somewhat dreaded but at the same time eagerly anticipated moment they end they pretty much consistently ruin yourself. But hey, I suppose that’s the price of being a vessel for one of nature’s true and only “miracles”…blah blah blah.

Despite this fact, we are constantly told that our periods shouldn’t actually stop us from getting on with our every day lives… more often than not by the people who don’t actually have periods (coughMENcough).  And aside from the widespread misinformation surrounding the glory of menstruation and PMS (no, guys, it’s not just a tummy ache), tampon commercials very annoyingly regularly feature tanned goddesses floating around in tiny white dresses while they get on with their daredevil routines of jumping out of planes and dancing up mountains. But the one activity yet to be acknowledged by advertising and indeed the mainstream narrative is – whisper it – period sex. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNNN.

It’s a weirdly divisive topic, given how absolutely natural both sex and periods are – but as with many things, it’s a matter of personal preference. According to one survey, 45% of people queried said it was at least “kinda gross,” while just edging in with the majority where the 55% of people who said it was “natural or awesome.”

I mean, I’ll let you decide what team you’re on yourself, but either way, if you’re part of the pro-period sex camp, you’ll know that it brings with it a few additional considerations. These are usually completely manageable, but as these stories demonstrate, sometimes things can get a bit… out of hand. And I have for your below seven incredible stories that will undeniably prove that to you.

1. “We sat on the bed and cried.”

“I was 16 at the time, so bear in mind that I hadn’t had my period for very long, nor had I been having sex for very long! My boyfriend and I were getting down to business, everything was going well, but towards the end he pulled away and noticed quite a lot of blood. It didn’t even occur to me that it could have been my period, so we both sat on the bed crying, thinking one of us had seriously damaged the other and maybe we’d bleed to death. It wasn’t until I went to the toilet that I realized what was actually going on.”

Kelly, 25

2. “He had a designated period sex towel.”

“I was getting frisky with a guy I’d been seeing for a little while, and thought I’d better mention that I was on my period. He very sweetly replied, “Oh God, that’s completely fine! I’m not squeamish, I have a period towel for this situation.” Which was nice, but also… weird? And then he pulled out a once-white towel which was COVERED in the stains left from previous period sex escapades with other women. He started spreading it out on the bed and then – and I was already horrified – he said, “Ah, I’m not sure it’s been washed since I last had it out. It feels a bit crusty.” I said I wasn’t actually in the mood, left and never saw him again. I later heard from a mutual friend that he thought I was too conservative. Wow.”

Anna, 33

 

3. “My housemate never forgave me.”

“One drunken night, my then-boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We were getting down to it in the living room, and as I was on my period he went upstairs to grab a towel. While he was out of the room I quickly removed my soiled sanitary towel from my underwear and shoved it under a sofa cushion, where I promptly forgot all about it. Two days later, my housemate was looking for the TV remote – guess what she found instead? She’s never forgiven me, and rightly so.”

Leanne, 31

 

4. “There was a lot more blood than usual.”

“My ex and I used to have sex all the time while I was on my period – it was no big deal, and we’d get around the mess by shagging in the shower. This was usually fine, until one time we noticed there was quite a bit more blood than usual. Like, a lot more blood. I was starting to panic that maybe something dreadful had happened to my bits, and then he pulled out, revealing that he’d actually snapped his banjo string (a.k.a. the frenulum, that small bit of skin between the foreskin and the shaft), and despite the pain had kept on persevering anyway!”

Rose, 22

 

5. “He emerged from the duvet looking like Bear Grylls.”

“So my story is less about the period sex itself, and more about what happened in its aftermath. I was 17, and with my ‘bad boy’ boyfriend. He was my mate’s older brother and I thought he was the coolest person in the whole world, plus the sex was phenomenal. I didn’t know I was due on until he was going down on me one day and emerged from the duvet looking like Bear Grylls – whoops! I was embarrassed, but he was completely cool about it all. Fast-forward to the next morning when we’re cuddling in bed, and he said: “After last night, I feel like I can be a bit more real with you.” Then he brought his hand to his mouth and REMOVED A TOOTH PLATE, revealing a whole row of missing teeth. He smiled at me with his huge gummy hillbilly grin and I’ve never tried so hard in my whole life not to piss myself.”

Hannah, 27

 

 

6. “He thought I’d eaten her in the night.”

“I was at Glastonbury, a bit drunk and a bit high. Back in our tent, I went down on my girlfriend, who was also a bit drunk and a bit high. We had a lovely time, and then we fell asleep. The next morning, I left the tent to make us breakfast and a friend in our campsite, who was still tripping, took one look at me, screamed and ran away. It seems my girlfriend had come on just before I went down on her, so there was blood caked around my mouth and down my chest. My friend – in his altered state of consciousness – assumed I’d eaten her in the night and was now coming for him.”

Sam, 25

7. “His mother came in with a blood-soaked shirt.”

“I was a student, staying at my boyfriend’s parents’ house. We thought we could eliminate some of the mess by doing it from behind, over a chair. All seemed to go according to plan until the next day, when he and I are lying on the sofa, and his mother comes in holding aloft the pale blue, blood-soaked shirt he’d been wearing when we’d been getting busy. We tried to convince her it was mud, but she was having none of it. I still cringe about it now. It looked like someone had killed a pig in it.”

Charlotte, 38

I guess what you should take from this is, hey, it’s totally fine to indulge in a little period sex every now and then (if you still have that option, obviously!) but before you do so, just make sure you have a sense of humor… and a clean-period towel ready to go!

Well, folks what do you think? Have you ever attempted a cheeky little bit of period sex at least once during your life? And if so was is a little bit fantastic or er… somewhat disastrous? Either way, if you feel brave enough to share your own story then please do so in the comments! And don’t forget to share this with your friends and family too so that we can all laugh and cringe) together! AAx

The post Here Are The 7 Of The Funniest, Bloodiest Period Stories On The Internet Right Now appeared first on Go Social.