20 Times The Funniest People On The Internet Ruthlessly Roasted Babies For Being Useless At Everything

Parents roasting their kids is by no means new to the internet, but the most recent trend is parents (as well as some generally disgruntled members of the public) launching a social media assault on newborn babies for the fact that they are so freakin’ useless! (Take your heavy irony pills now)

 

(Photo Credit: Twitter @charlee_buns)

Twitter user @charlee_buns started the thread by firing shots at newborns ‘lil swoop hairdo’s’, and what resulted was a thread that is so fantastic because it’s both so amazingly unnecessary yet absolutely valid… those damn babies acting all cool with their laissez-faire attitude to life while I’m here stressing about adult things!

So please satiate your youth-hating enjoyment through this series of the 20 ‘best’ and most unnecessary new-born trashings on the internet that will make you either laugh or just nod your head in agreement that babies, frankly, suck.

 

1.) What’re You Lookin’ At?

(Photo Credit: Twitter @wannabeianconnor )

He’s not wrong, they’re always trying to stare people out, no sense of social politeness and it’s not like you can even get them back by staring back because they normally just laugh as though nothing wrong! Terrible manners.

 

2.) 0/10 Would Not Recommend To A Friend

(Photo Credit:  Twitter @TheRookieGod1)

Like any product nowadays it’s important to leave good feedback so that other customers know whether to purchase it or not, so surely it only makes sense to have the same things for babies, I mean they’re a more important investment than say a toaster.

 

3.) Their Wallet Is Always In Their Other Nappies

(Photo Credit:  Twitter @mixxychick)

We’ve all been there, it comes to split the bill and someone’s left their wallet in their ‘good pants’, but even more conveniently nappies don’t have pockets…

 

4.) It’s Not Me… I Swear!

(Photo Credit: Twitter @mishelmuse )

That ‘baby smell’ is something frequently lauded by friends and alike, but spend too much time with a baby and they’ll find new and more fruity ways of smelling. But what’s worse is they aren’t even embarrassed! Come on babies have some self-respect, jeez.

 

5.) Wow… Heavy

(Photo Credit:  @gulliver_trevor)

I don’t actually know if this one is meant to be funny or one man tweeting his way through a breakdown…

 

6.) They’re Freeloaders

(Photo Credit: Twitter @tickin_clocks )

Babies are that friend who comes to stay for ‘just ’til I get on my feet, then I’ll move out I swear’, then stays way past their welcome, eats all your food, drinks all your drinks and doesn’t even say thank you when they leave. Pfft, freeloaders.

 

7.) Suspicious Little Critters

(Photo Credit:  Twitter @LmwakaLI)

I mean, I kind of get this one; but, a relationship takes trust both ways, we trust you not to vomit down our backs but you let us down time and time again.

 

8.) Let Them Stand On Their Own Two Feet

(Photo Credit:  Twitter @DJReemsDope)

In fairness, I can’t have a go for this, I’d much rather sit in and watch Netflix than chase my life’s dreams and ambitions.

 

9.) They Can’t Speak

(Photo Credit: Twitter @DrChubbyy )

For a thing that wants so much so frequently, it’s outrageous that they don’t put more effort into communication, I mean, I know they can’t speak but semaphore, sign language, morse code all exist… yeah I know semaphore, just don’t ask me to prove it – *raises flag in right hand 90 degrees and flag in left hand 180 degrees… yeah.

 

10.) They Never Show Their Appreciation

(Photo Credit: Twitter @wicky_mash )

This one is very specific but very true. ‘I’m not asking for much Amy, just a bit of support, is that too much to ask?’

 

11.) They Exhibit Disgraceful Behaviour

(Photo Credit:  @mobabes)

We spend so long trying to keep babies on our side, but as soon as something ‘new and exciting’ comes along they’re off like a shot.

 

12.) Okay…

(Photo Credit: Twitter @ayomystical )

I think someone may need to check in on this guy and make sure he’s okay… the ‘Lol’ at the end rings a little hollow.

 

13.) They’re A Danger To Themselves

(Photo Credit:  Twitter @tsddrake)

I appreciate the point about them choking, but I don’t think that babies come out of the womb with teeth though, do they?

14.) Don’t Be Judging

(Photo Credit:  Twitter @rejoycet)

Hey! They’ve done their time in solitary confinement, they should be given the same rights as all of us!

 

15.) They’ve Got No Variety

(Photo Credit: Twitter @allanamarei )

‘You hungry?’ *cries. ‘You’re tired?’ *cries in the same pitch. ‘You want to watch TV?’ *cries in same pitch only slightly louder. ‘Are you crying louder as a yes or a no?’ *cries in same pitch only louder again. ‘You’re not even trying.’

 

16.) All We Hear Is…

(Photo Credit: Twitter @KingKultura )

When they’re not crying they’re trying to make us look foolish by flaunting the fact that they can speak a language that we can’t even though they’re so much younger than us, and then they laugh with other babies about it. I mean I don’t know what they’re saying but that’s what I imagine they’re doing, rascals.

 

17.) The First Rule Of Baby Fight Club Is…

(Photo Credit:  Twitter @GaskinsLamont)

If your baby, your own flesh and blood, can’t back you up when you get into a jam then who will? They’re probably the one that got you into the fight anyway ’cause of all that staring they’re doing!

 

18.) They Never Moisturise

(Photo Credit: Twitter @tamik8s )

They’re secretly using your expensive hand lotion by the sink when you’re not looking… watch out.

 

19.) What?

(Photo Credit:  @RhiannonAdmidas)

You’d think 9 months would be enough for them to come out ready, but apparently not. I hope that’s what this means anyway, and that these people aren’t literally cooking babies.

 

20.) Even After Labour Day

(Photo Credit:  Twitter @bomiagabice)

As someone who is still wary about wearing white at my age, it baffles me that their general poor motor control and lack of teeth doesn’t stop them wearing dazzling white outfits on a near daily basis without concern.

 

So those were 20 times that parents, and the internet in general, went in unnecessarily hard on babies for being freeloading, smelly, messy, insensitive and generally terrible people. Thanks for reading, let us know if you have any horror stories about babies, or nice ones, actually it might be good to hear some nice ones to balance out the internet’s karma a little. AAx

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