FINALLY – Denim Bikini Briefs Have Arrived To Keep You Looking Cool At The Pool This Summer

Swimsuit shopping can be a real pain in the bikini bottoms! But thankfully, all of your poolside fashion fantasies have now been made into a reality…

(Image Credit: Shinesty)

That’s right ladies and gentlemen. Everybody’s favorite beach-wear fabric, denim, has finally made its way onto the swimwear rack. What a time to be alive!

These teeny-tiny swim shorts go by various titles; Jeado’s (jean speedos, geddit?), Daytona Dong Sarong Jeado Swim Brief and “denim print swim brief”. Okay. I admit it, the things aren’t really made out of denim, they just look like it… and what a look it is…

(Image Credit: Shinesty)

Sensual, are they not?

These bum hugging, high thigh cutting statement briefs can be yours for just $39.99! An absolute bargain!

I can’t say I’ve ever (intentionally) tried to convince people of my insanity through my clothing decisions, but I bet trying to would carry a price tag over $40! So be sure to invest in a pair of these bad boys!

(Image Credit: Shinesty)

The only thing I can think to say against these super trendy pieces is this; once again we have been fooled with fake pockets. Give us pockets! Dammit, fashion! We deserve pockets!

However, the upsides of the garment include (but are certainly not limited to!): “quick-drying, soft and smooth on your gear, high-res print”, a “tight” fit (they recommend buying “1 size up”), plus they’re “fully lined with elastic waistband and drawstring”!

I’m not sure “quick drying” can really be advertised as a special feature. Anything that small wouldn’t take a huge amount of time to dry off…

(Image Credit: shinesty)

In case these jean swimmers weren’t quite floating your boat (and I really can’t understand why they wouldn’t, but anyway) online store Shinesty have plenty more dreamy denim printed swimsuits for you to choose from, including the (ingeniously titled) Jeankini…

(Image Credit: Shinesty)

What an outfit. Why limit this spectacular garment to only occasional beach trips? Take my advice and feel free to style this exceptional piece of material in your everyday life.

Heck, whack a blazer over the top and you’ve got a work outfit, pull on a bobble hat and you’re ready to rock a winter wardrobe, fancy occasion? A pair of low heels would set off this denim daydream perfectly!

But what if you want to wear even less? (Who can blame you, these clothes are freakin’ frumpy) Don’t worry. The “Jean-string” is here for you.

(Image Credit: Shinesty)

(Image Credit: Shinesty)

Amazing. Here I was, wondering when I would next get the opportunity to floss between my butt cheeks with some distressed denim material. I can sleep easy now.

BUT IT ONLY GETS BETTER! They’re on SALE! Yes, for just $8.99 this glorified piece of blue string can be suffocating your unmentionables! HALLELUJAH!

(Image Credit: GIPHY)

In fairness to Shinesty, they seem totally aware of how utterly ridiculous their clothes designs are. They’re not pretending to have unveiled the greatest fashion trend to ever grace the earth, in fact, they seem kind of proud that these jean monstrosities may just be uglier than sin!

I think the idea is that they’re “ironically” ugly… I often find that looking good in “ironically ugly” clothes is a privilege reserved exclusively for beautiful super-models. So sorry about the rest of you, I’ll let you know how the jean-kini looks on me!

(Image Credit: Shinesty)

Are you off to buy your very own pair of “Jeado’s”?! I hope so! Let me know which look you’d go for in the comments below! AAx

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