20 People So Totally Clueless About Sex We’re Kind Of Concerned For Their Partners

Ah, sex. The magical adrenaline rush of life’s great rollercoaster!

Whilst sex is one of life’s great pleasures and can bring no end of joy to those involved, the actual mechanics, the basic understanding of anatomy that sex requires has brought some people a great deal of woe and confusion.

No evidence could prove this claim to be truer than these twenty absolutely clueless individuals who, I hope to GOD, are still virgins and remain that way for some time to come!

1. Master Bait? Do we have a Master Bait, in the building?

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I particularly like the sub-heading/follow-up to this question. They really just had to stress their complete confusion. What is that?!?!?! Why is that?!?!?!? Where is that??!?!?! Masturbate?!??!!? WHAT?!?!?!?

 

2. A firm handshake…

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Ladies, we’re nothing if not formal during the most erotic moments of our lives. “Hello, Sir. Please do come in, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

 

3. The (wrong) Pill

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I just… I don’t even know where to start with this one… just so much about human anatomy has completely gone over poor “Ben”‘s head here… how do we tell him? WHAT do we tell him?

 

4. This sexy session is toast

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“kitty in the sink” really did have the best advice here… Might also be worth pointing out it ought not to be buttered. You’d think that was obvious but this guy clearly isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed…

 

5. Hop on??

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Yes. As has been well documented for years and years, sex happens “on” a woman. Not with her, “on” her. Jeez. You just hope he’s a colossal idiot and not a colossal jerk…

 

6. I wouldn’t recommend tit…

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Just because one thing looks like another doesn’t mean they’ll taste the same dear… please, please don’t snack on your poor nipples for a midday treat or a kinky new twist to bedroom fun. Everybody and I mean everybody will be horrified.

 

7. Oh, p*** off!

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I think we’re all willing to get a bit freaky with the one who makes us tick but this is a stretch too far! If nothing else will get you off except this… seek help? Like, seek help immediately.

 

8. Spelling is… fun?

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Spelling may be fun but this guy/girl clearly does not enjoy it. If nothing else they’re consistent, baby may not be spelt with three b’s, but at least it’s spelt with three b’s throughout this question…

 

9. Well, that’s a bummer…

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No shame if you’re into “butt fun” but… this is not what people want when they get a little bit experimental…

 

10. Dracula Jnr.

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Oh no! It’s just as we expected! Periods were just the monthly reminder we needed to let us know we weren’t housing a small vampire child in our tummies…

 

11. Nobody knows where it is…

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Ah yes, the clitada. The sweet spot that has evaded us all for centuries. This poor woman appears to have hurt hers, or at least, she thinks she has. She’s not sure, those question marks prove her boundless confusion with women’s most complex body part…

 

12. The sweeeet spooot

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Fair enough, these folks are trying to find out how best to please their lady friends and that is NEVER a bad thing, but… who are these people talking to that pronounces “spot” as “spoot”?!

 

13. So… who’s breaking it to him?

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This girl has really appealed to her boyfriend’s ego, and it’s worked! Who do you think had to tell the poor soul that his didn’t possess super-sperm?

 

14. Flower power

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There’s actually a very technical, specific term for people who enjoy having sex with plants. It’s called; weird. It’s called; plain, simple weird-ness. Please stop doing this to your Bonsai.

 

15. This guy is hot, but he wants to be hotter

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You may laugh but this is exactly how Einstein started out. We need these people in the world, challenging the status quo, seeking answers for the questions that really matter!

 

16. Mid-show snack

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Sometimes you’ve just got to please yourself in sex. It’s okay to be a taker and not a giver. Take the pleasure, take the Doritos, take the eventual break up with pride that you did the right thing…

 

17. Sex tape

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Who is teaching these people sex education?! Who has so severely neglected this guys education that he genuinely thinks a bit of cellotape can replace a condom?! Please! Somebody take charge of this poor kids understanding of the world!

 

18. For the love of all that’s holy…

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ON A GIRL. HOW MANY HOLES DO A GIRL HAVE ON A GIRL THAT ARE ON A GIRL. Thanks for reiterating the question young man… Now please do tell us what you mean specifically and maybe who taught you to spell?

 

19. This is weird. Period.

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Just in case anyone was wondering, it’s super normal for your brother not to have had his period yet. In fact, it’s pretty ideal if he never has a period at all…

 

20. The boob bone

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Beware, ladies. You may like getting hot and heavy but don’t overdo it! You could seriously fracture (worse, break!) your boob bone! Please be very careful when having sexy time. It’s not all fun and games you know!

What crazy things do you used to think about sex, folks? Did you relate to any on these list? I certainly hope not! Let me know in the comments below! AAx

(Cover Image Credit: Inverse)

 

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