Sperm ‘Retrieval’ Robots Could Be Coming To A Clinic Near You And You Should Be Deeply Concerned

Oh you definitely did read that right, and yes, it’s exactly as discomforting as you think – but thanks to the Chinese government, donating sperm is now completely hands-free and ‘user-friendly.’

 

(Source: Twitter)

The ‘device’ (I’m at a loss as to what to really refer to it as if I’m honest) was invented by Ding Guijiang in an attempt to combat China’s sperm shortage fears. The idea being that men who are too ’embarrassed’ to provide a sperm sample the typical way, will be more comfortable entering a room with one of these and placing their… oh look you get the idea, here’s what the freakin’ thing looks like…

A lack of sperm donations has left the Chinese government fearing a sperm drought if more men aren’t encouraged to donate more sperm.

‘So…’ I hear you cry, ‘how does this veritable sex robot help?’ And it’s a very fair question, and the answer is this…

 

As if the enthusiasm on the gentleman’s face in the last image wasn’t inspiring enough, this newfangled genital contraption can be programmed a variety of ways, including programmable ‘temperature’, ‘wetness’, and as if that wasn’t still enough… hold on to your inexplicable sex robots… you can even control the ‘amount of light’…

According to Guijang himself, in ardent defense of creating this contraption (contraption for some reason feels like the right noun):

“Hospitals mostly use masturbation as their collection method without providing a venue or equipment […] This makes collecting sperm on site very difficult. We invented an automatic sperm extractor which is also user-friendly.”

 

Quite frankly, the idea that some of these places are apparently not even offering ‘a venue’ may be the problem if they’re just expecting men to ‘donate’ in the waiting room?

Doctors: ‘Should we designate a room for samples?’

Government: ‘Nah, I think we’ll spend thousands of dollars on a robot which is, for lack of a better description, terrifying for a number of reasons.’

Doctors: ‘Yeah, sounds good.’

However, while it might be easy to laugh (and let’s face it, it is) the company who made it reportedly sell 10,000 of the penis contraptions each year at $13,000 a pop! The sperm gizmos have been around since 2010 it seems and have been sold to clinics across Germany, the U.S, Russia and more countries! So you can expect to see one of these male stimulating doohickeys in a hospital near you sooner than you may care to!

I mean, what do you want me to say about this? Medical science has done immeasurable good for the human race, I mean we have freakin’ machines that can keep people alive. But, what is most confusing to me (and maybe it’s just ’cause I’m not going to really be using one now am I?) but I cannot imagine men finding it less ’embarrassing’ to use one of these machines. And, above all, I want to know why you can adjust the amount of light on them?! Does anyone else… actually y’know what, I’m just not gonna finish that sentence.

So what do you make of these machines, is this the beginning of the machines rise to power, or is it just a ridiculous contemporary gimmick that will die out? Let me know in the comments! AAx

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