Grease Is Getting The Prequel We’re Not Sure Anybody Wants To See…

Love it or loathe it, Grease is the movie-musical that defined a generation.

So was Danny your dream boy? We wouldn’t blame you… look at that smolder.

The reported plot of the prequel is based on the events of the song “Summer Lovin”. Danny and Sandy meet and fall in love on a beach before the events of Grease begin… Remember? Y’know, it’s all effectively and efficiently covered in that song lasting less than five minutes at the start of Grease? Wow, it’s almost… almost like we already know the short, sweet story and it doesn’t need to be spun out any further…

Don’t tell me more, don’t tell me more, 

This film doesn’t need to exist, 

Don’t tell me more, don’t tell me more, 

We already got the jist! 

Don’t tell me more, don’t tell me more, 

‘Cos it’s horribly sexist! 

But I will tell you more because you deserve to know just why this shameless milking of a money cow is not worth your time or hard earned cash…

So, aside from the fact that everybody knows the plot, additions to the Grease franchise haven’t fared too brilliantly in the past. Grease 2 (yeah, I’d never heard of it either) has garnered a suitably damning overall rating of 37% on movie reviewing website Rotten Tomatoes. Even Jim Jacobs, co-creator of the sequel admits that the memory of the film brings, ‘a brief frown to his face’.

Sandy is devastated by what’s been done to her once uber-successful cinematic universe. Poor baby.

Deadline reports that John August, scriptwriter of Disney’s live-action Aladdin remake, will be scriptwriting Summer Lovin’. If the previous addition to the Grease franchise is anything to go off he’ll have a hard time getting this baby to go like greased lightning, and will more likely end up with a car crash.

Just let this film end, they’ve driven off into the sunset and that should be the end of it. The car is flying for goodness sake, we have reached the only peak this movie was ever going to reach.

You’ve got to wonder how Danny and Sandy will fare in contemporary times. Grease is slicked with deeply problematic gender politics and a hefty amount of misogyny. Sure, you might say it’s all just a song and a dance but it’s still set to the pretty worrying tune of, “girls, change everything about yourselves to impress a boy”.

That’s right Sandra Dee, smoke that cigarette! Danny is deffo worth the lung cancer!

Except for the fact he absolutely isn’t. Danny is a self-obsessed, sexually-coercive ass who literally thinks throwing on a white T-shirt is a hugely selfless sacrifice he’s making for Sandy. Sandy, meanwhile, is clad from heel to head in leather on a warm summer’s day, can barely open her lids for eyeliner and, as mentioned previously, is gambling with lung cancer to impress Danny.

These musicals, eh?! QUIRKY.

I don’t know how the prequel could possibly make up for the downright damnable sins of its forefather. Grease is a film for its time and of its time and, thank God, we’ve moved past that time. We don’t want to “go together” no more.

Is this “the worst thing” Grease could do? Or are you excited to see the prequel? Let us know in the comments below and share with your friends, family and beauty school drop-outs! AAx

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