21 Of The Most Outrageous Children’s Books That Have Ever, Ever Existed

Dr. Seuss, Roald Dahl, Eric Carle, Maurice Sendak… you’ll recognize these names (or at least, freakin’ should recognize these names) as some of the greatest children book authors of ALL. TIME.

Matilda, Cat in the Hat, The Lorax, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Where The Wild Things Are… I could literally spend 3 full hours listing every single incredible, legendary children’s book that was every written but according to my boss that doesn’t count as “real journalism”.

So instead I’ve gone ahead and dug up every single ridiculously outrageous, nonsensical, hilariously wild children’s book that has ever been written and compiled them into a fantastical list for us all to laugh and shake our heads at collectively together while wondering if it’s possible that these particular children’s books really do actually exist.

Well, folks, I can assure you, they 100% well and truly DO exist,  although how they ever made it past the initial first-draft stage I will never know.

Let me warn you, the below titles I’m about to mention are no “Oh, The Places You’ll Go!”, but they are absolutely legendary in their own right.

1.

Ah yes, first of all, allow me to begin with this absolute gem of a book. After all, it answers the question that is forever on every child’s mind; “What exactly did Dick lick!?”

2.

I actually own this book, and it’s my all time favorite thing to read to my nieces and nephews. After all – it’s true, right? And a kid has gotta learn about death somehow!

3.

Darn it, I feel like I really missed out on a big opportunity here… I used to tell my sister that our Mom was trying to poison her constantly… who knew it was great literature material!?

4.

Okay folks real talk, I know at the beginning of this article I listed a bunch of legendary children’s books, however, honestly, I believe this may be one of the greatest children’s books  of all time (no, really.)

And in case you’re not entirely convinced by the title of the book alone, then please, by all means, enjoy the below video of the story itself being read aloud by Samuel freakin’ Jackson!

5.

I KNEW IT! I always knew it. And do you how I knew it? Because I drink due to the fact that my children are bad. Who would have thought eh? Maybe if I’d have read this when I was still I child, I’d be able to recognize the warning signs!?

6.

Simple, direct, factual and with a great message… some animals want to eat children. I mean, what more could you possibly want from a children’s book?

7.

Wait… is this a sequel? Because it should be. What a wonderful thing to be able to whip out when you’re children are being unruly, whiny brats who are continually misbehaving. Ah… the power of the written word.

8.

Hmmm… this one reminds me of a recurring dream I used to have when I was-

Er, actually, scratch that. Nevermind. Moving on.

9.

Honestly, I could not care less about how Bosco the Clown got his smile. I just want him to go far far away from me and take his freakin’ creepy clown smile with him.

10.

I personally think that this is a VERY important story for young minds to be exposed to at an early age. After all, there’s nothing more disappointing than invisible dick, am I right ladies?

11.

I never thought about the fact that this may be a useful book to have available for children should they ever need it but I suppose at the end of the day it really is… no matter how hilarious the title may seem…

12.

Okay well aside from the title itself being absolutely WILD, check out the tag-line; A GRIPPING, ALMOST REAL-LIFE TALE!!!

I’m sorry, what? Almost real-life? How is that even remotely possible? If anybody finds this in their local library please have a read of it and get back to me on that IMMEDIATELY.

13.

I don’t actually see a problem with this one, I know I learned the most terribly important lessons of my entire life by touching… didn’t you!?

14.

And how could I possibly write an article about ridiculously outrageous children’s books without mentioning one based solely on all the different types of farts there are in the world? I couldn’t, so here’s “The Gas We Pass: A Story Of Farts” for your viewing enjoyment.

15.

I know what you may be thinking; What’s so bad about this one? Seems kinda cute to me!

Aye yes well that’s what I thought too… until I noticed that this book had been published by some outlandish company who dared to call themselves “A Super Chubby”. Hindsight is well and truly a b*tch.

16.

Whoops, sorry, just had to take a moment to Google this one and double check that my little sister wasn’t the author of it.

17.

Ah yes, that age-old classic; The Muffin Muncher. I connect with this book on a spiritual level, as I actually consider myself quite the muffin muncher too! I just seriously cannot get enough of munching those muffins, and I’m sure I’m not the only one on here who feels this way!

Chocolate, Vanilla, Raspberry & White Chocolate… any muffin if a muffin worth being munched to me!

18.

I’m not particularly religious myself, but if I had known there were gonna be puppets at church I probably would have gone a lot more as a child.

Then again If I had been religious and had seen the front cover of this book as a child I most probably would have tried to avoid attending church at all freakin’ costs.

19.

Kids love Monkeys, kids love Circus’ and kids love Peeing… smells like a best seller to me! Watch your back Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

20.

OOPH never thought it possible for a children’s book to be responsible for causing a plethora of divorces but something tells me that that is exactly what happened when this number hit the shelves. Richard Scarry you absolute fiend.

21.

When I was a child I wouldn’t have been particularly bothered by this children’s book title… however now that I am slowly encroaching on “elderly person” territory it absolutely terrifies me.

Not mention the publishing house seems to be called… Child’s Play!? And if you’re like me in any way at all, the first thing that will have come to your mind is;

Yeah… enough said.

ANYWAY, there you have it – some of the wildest, most hilarious children books I’ve ever had the pleasure of discovering, and it’s been my absolute pleasure to share them all with you today.

Are there others out there you can think of? Have you ever actually read any of these absolute classics before? If so, please let me know in the comments and feel free to offer me up some recommendations too! And don’t forget to share this with your friends and family in order to keep the laughter going! x

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