24 Of The Biggest Struggles Woman With Big Boobs Face Every Freakin’ Day

This one is for all my heavy-chested ladies out there! Yes, it’s true, there are many women out there who are very jealous of us, and hey, we get it! These things look great most of the time and they’re definitely idolized by er, well pretty much everybody. We are so LUCKY TO HAVE THEM.

Lucky, that is, apart from the fact that they are INCREDIBLY inconvenient and having them brings a plethora of struggles every damn day of our lives! But don’t worry ladies, we’re all in this together!

 

1. When you’re wearing something that has a slight dip in the neckline and everybody is coming at you with “Ohhh got the girls on show I see!!”

“No Janice, I am NOT flaunting ‘the girls’ purposely, it’s just 100 degrees outside and the only thing that covers these freakin’ up is TURTLENECKS.”

2. These marks are now a permanent part of your body.

I honestly can’t remember a time when I didn’t have these red slashes across my poor shoulders… possibly before I turned 16. Or 13.

3. Taking the risk of certain death every time you try to wear a push-up bra.

It’s true. Sometimes we want a little lift, a little bit of support. Of course, for us, it means that if we accidentally go down a step too quickly or bend over unexpectedly the chances of us being suffocated by our own chest is about 99.5%.

4. Staring in despair at all the cute little lace numbers knowing that you will never, ever, ever be able to wear them ever.

A tale as old as time, really. Small-boobed women want big boobs so they can look “sexy”… big boobed women want small boobs so they can wear things like this and look “sexy”. None of us will ever be happy.

5. Your friends won’t lend you their cute tops because you’ll “stretch them”

FINE. I guess I’ll just stick to my freakin’ muu-muu’s then while you rock around wearing that cute spaghetti strap singlet. WHATEVER.

 

6. Ah yes, of course, deep-sea diving for all those snark crumbs that got away.

And it doesn’t just stop at crumbs either, oh no. Literally, anything can get lost down there; jewelry, money, earphones, my dignity. The list goes on, and chances are you’ll never see them again. Your boobs are a black hole, honey.

7. The inability to find a bra that fits nicely, looks great and doesn’t make you look like Madonna in the 80s.

IT SHOULDN’T BE THIS HARD SURELY? You either find a bra with one of these qualities… or none of them. If any of you find a bra with the holy trinity of qualities in one bra, PLEASE LET ME KNOW ASAP.

8. When you really don’t want to bring any attention to yourself so you wear something high-necked… and end up looking like Miss Trunchball.

WE HONESTLY CAN’T WIN.

9. Daring to wear a strapless bra and signing yourself if to doing this all day long.

Honestly, the only reason I have any muscle in my upper arms whatsoever is due to all the times I’ve chanced to wear a strapless bra.

10. Being known for literally nothing else.

I also have a great smile too y’know! Not that you probably ever noticed I actually have a face.

11. Hugs from you are a deathwish for others.

Look, your friends love you, but they fear for their lives every time they hug you. It’s not your fault, you just… don’t know your boobs own suffocating abilities!?

12. Knowing that it won’t be long before gravity really screws you over.

There’s no escaping it, it’s inevitable. One day you’ll reach a certain age and you’ll have lost the Battle of the Boobs completely. So enjoy them now while you can… I guess!?

13. Always being on the look-out for when your boobs will try to betray you… because they will.

You never know when it will happen, but it will. And it will most probably be during the most inappropriate and inconvenient time it could possibly happen.

14. LAYING. DOWN.

This is another one that belongs on the “Risk of Possible Suffocation” list. Yes, that’s right, even lying down could kill us. Still think big boobs are so great?

15. Attempting to exercise and very quickly realizing what a grave mistake you have made. 

Lift weights? Hunny, I lift weights every time I stand up with these freakin’ things strapped to my chest.

16. You are a human pillow. For EVERYBODY.

You start to become very suspicious of peoples motives for lying down on you. Yes, I know they’re comfy as heck, but I’m not your personal portable napping vessel!

17. Kids everywhere just assume you’re packing milk in there.

Sorry kids, the only thing coming out of these, for now, is sweat and shame.

18. Having to take your time going down the stairs for fear of losing an eye.

Every step is a hazard. You have that big meeting on Monday and you cannot afford to give yourself a black eye.

19. People using your boobs to help “break their fall”.

I et it, you tripped, these were probably the first things you saw to grab onto… I get it. But buddy, if you don’t remove your hands from my chest within the next 5 minutes you’re gonna lose them

20. Not being able to comfortably lie down ANYWHERE. Except for maybe the beach.

 

Raise your hands if you’ve ever had to dig yourself “boob holes” in the sand? Of course, you have. It feels heavenly and you wish you could dig boob holes into literally every surface you ever dare to lay down upon.

21. And then there are people accidentally “hitting” you right in the Chest Twins.

Like, OW! I know you’re standing a foot away from me but if you’re gonna insist on flinging your arms around like that you’re gonna need to do it at least another 2 feet outside of my personal space, thanks.

22. You can’t wear long necklaces because you’re afraid they’ll be sucked into your Black Hole Boobs and you’ll never see it again.

Long chain? Forget about it. It’s either chokers or nothing.

23. Boob sweat. ALL. YEAR. ROUND.

It’s hot out? Boob sweat. It’s cold out? Boob sweat. It’s a very nice, mild room temperature? Yep, you got it, boob sweat.

24. But hey! It’s not all bad…

They may be a giant pain in most areas of your life, but when it comes to smuggling in illegal snacks at the cinema or trying to get back the doorman if a 75cl bottle of your favorite liquor… you totally got this.

Don’t forget to share with any other of your bib-boobed beauties so we can all laugh (and cry) together!

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